Okay I hate and feel like a dick when it comes to this feed back thing. However, I want everyone to be honest with their feedback for me so I will do the same in return. Sorry if there are spelling and grammatical errors. I’m typing the way I would talk in a stream of consciousness manner.
First of all, I feel like your characters and story is extremely stereotypical. This may equate to your movie coming off ignorant and downright offensive. This short is a drama and I’m guessing the film is supposed to have a serious undertone through most of the entire film. This is going to be very hard to do since your Story and Characters are extreme Asian stereotypes, which makes the film hard to take seriously. I was kind of laughing when reading the script and I would probably be laughing when watching in on the screen. Also because the characters and story are so stereotypical I was pretty much able to guess what was going to happen next throughout the script. (except for the end) If you made the story and characters less stereotypical you characters would be more interesting, your story would seem more real, which may allow the audience to connect to your film at a emotional level.
I’ve herd through the grape vine that you want to shoot this film in Japan. To be honest this is not going to happen unless you get like 100 grand. I mean if I got a 100 grand I would rather try to make a feature in America then spend it on a short film in Japan. To be honest, it’s hard enough to find crew, cast, locations, and permits, in Phoenix. It’s going to to be 1000 times harder to so in Japan.
Specific script notes.
I wasn’t really feeling the whole cell phone thing. I mean I could be wrong but don’t people in Japan have cell phones too? I mean do people in Japan not love their cell phones as much as we (Americans) do? (I honestly don’t know the answer to that but I’m kind of guessing they do.)
The nightlife scene is going to be very hard to film since it takes place IN JAPAN. (Umm Okay that’s weird.)
Explain how father finds out about Ryuu and Natsumi’s kiss.
The whole uncooked rice thing crossed the line for me. It so stereotypical and so crazy. It would probably make me laugh really really hard if I saw it on screen. To be honest I’m at the computer lab right now and when I read it I started laughing and people are now staring at me.
I liked your journal A LOT and before I read it I thought you should just go with a completely new scripts. But now I understand where you’re coming from and I feel guilty for considering the idea of changing scripts. I think if you made your script more original, a lot less corny, and stereotypical it would be a lot better.
I like your idea of making him half American and half Asian because your main character kind of talks a little … umm.. well kind of like you do.
Most of what Barry wrote I was about to hit on. To add my perspective on the overall plot though – it seems eerily similar to The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. Especially the whole relationship dynamic between Ryuu and Natsumi feels superimposed from the film. Plus, what really did it for me was the word “Gaijin” being used in the script to describe the main character just like it is in F&F: TD.
Nonetheless, the script is well written with fleshed out characters that I would like to see on screen. I just have 2 things to be changed:
1) Tweak the stereotypical nature of the characters. Perhaps one of them is from another country with different rules on relationships (but they were born in Japan). 2) The name “Aunt Mae” needs to be changed. Every time I saw it, Spider-man popped in my head.
*This is TURBO btw, I don't know how to make it say my name
1: I dont agree with Turbo at all, yes your script has the same outsider feel and love story as Tokyo Drift, but that could be said about any outsider story on some level, (I can name 10 films off the top of my head that have a similar feel because of a similar story) so don't let that discourage you. Your story is about family honor, self discovery and the feeling of moving so much that you don't really have a home (I know how you and Ryuu feel i went through the same thing and feel that your story describes it well) and not a story about street racing and trying to be cool in Japan.
2: I would like to argue against Barrys comments/agree with them, here is my thought, Stereotypes exist in the world, and yes they are generally good, but I also say to that, there is a reason why stereotypes exist, at some point before it was changed over time, the original stereotype might have and probably was true for the general public, not everyone but most hence why it came to existence. So my point is, if Barry is right and it is all just a bunch of untrue stereotypes then you need to change them asap, but if it is the truth (and seeing as how you lived in Japan you would know if it is or isnt) then you should keep them and be prepared to defend them to the unknowing person.
I thought overall that your script was good with the exception with the ending, the ending kind of threw me off, I wasnt exactly sure how to feel about it or what I thought that it meant. I would say put a bit more work in to the ending and that it should be a good script.
FMJ Comments:
I think that your journal is great, I especially like the choice of fonts and backgrounds. I was looking at your casting section and notice that you might experience the same issues as me. Doing a film that has foreign looking people and people who speak a different language can be tough when trying to cast, I myself am a bit worried about it, I hope it goes well for both of us.
So, I LOVE your journal. It gives such a strong grasp on why this film is important to you. Also, you fully understand the basic theme and concept of what you would like to convey, which is awesome. I love the idea of being a foreigner and not feeling as if you truly have a home. However, your insight on your own personal struggles and your writer's interpretation is a bit fuzzy. I could see how this script could work...with some tweaks as an anime. The dialogue is a bit obvious, similar to anime and the characters aren't fully developed. However, for an anime I would say this could totally work. However, I don't feel as though that is what you're going for. Your journal asked us questions about it being too dramatic and how you would like it to be funnier. I would suggest removing most of the forced dialogue aka. the cell phone, the rice... and changing those scenes up. Honestly, this script could simply be situationally funny. I mean he is in a country that he hasn't visited since he was young. Everything I've that I've read about Japan does lead to evidence of a culture with particular rules and traditions, which a foreigner may not know about. These may lead to more comedic elements.
I really hope you pull this off and shoot in Japan! However, do you have a backup plan if things fall through? I don't know how well this script would work being shot in Arizona... eek.
I thought your script was really well written. I understand the emotional intensity that a story like this creates, and I think you have the vision to pull a project like this off.
No element of the script threw me for a loop, so in a way it must embrace my own stereotypical views of how Japanese cultures view America.
I felt an emotional stockpiling taking place as I headed towards the conclusion of this draft, and just as quickly realized that there would be no real emotional exchange or catharsis regarding the main plot or characters. This makes me empathize with the plight of the main character, "Ryuu" more in some way, yet I would still love to see a conclusion or resolution.
Your journal looks immaculate, you're setting the bar high for us "D" group. I'm probably going to use your journal as a template for my own, different color scheme of course.
Andric! I love you story, I could really feel what you were trying to go for. Visualizing what its going to be like really helped me out. I think that it is a great story I just think it would be very hard to film this type of sort in America, especially finding good actors to you specifications that can speak Japanese. What people said about stereotypes, since you have a very similar background to your character, I think you would know the culture and the life styles the best. If that is how their culture acts and behaves, than that is what you should depict. I think that it is good to display the most real aspect of their lives.
Some things that confused me was the ending, I would have to agree with Damir. I see what you were trying to go for, but it was very confusing to me. It might need to be a little more clarified on what is happening. I would have to agree with Barry on the cell phone part too, I don't really know if some people in Japan do not use cell phones very often, but in todays world I think almost everyone has one, but I could understand if they live in a very rural area outside the city that they wouldn't have one. But I see what you are going for if you are trying to show the dependance that Americans have on their electronics compared to the more natural and calm life style.
FMJ- I loved your FMJ I thought it really helped bring the story into more perspective for me! It really captured the essence that you ware trying to show in your film. I especially liked the casting because I feel like the people you portrayed would be suited very well by the character types you chose like the age group and the personality types. The movies and main characters of other films also gave me some ideas for the mood and style you are trying to convey. For a suggestion to your comedic thoughts on the scenes, I do not really think that your story really has any comedy to it. I feel like it is purely drama. I feel like you do not have enough time to show an aspect of both, but the original tone I got was pure drama. I think you could possibly lose some of the feeling if you were to change it. Also, for your character question. I think if he were full Japanese going to America and coming back would show a greater difference in how much he has changed his life style, but I think a more half and half character would be more dynamic to the family and stand out more, but now you have to show why he is half (ie if the mother or father was not Japanese) compared to everyone else in the family, that would make him be less Japanese from the beginning and we would not see as much of a change.
P.S if anything does not make sense just let me know and I can try and re word it lol it is more of a stream of conscience thought and sometimes things don't make sense to others
I think you are off to a great start and I would love to see your film be made!
Extremely bold story for a capstone. From your FMJ it seems like you know a lot about the Japanese culture so I'll trust your judgment but I was thinking the same thing as Barry as far as the cell phone goes.
I loved the story as a whole but I think it would be better without the scene where she sneaks into his room and he gets into a fight. Doesn't add much to the story. I understand what people are saying about stereotypes but for the most part it didn't bother me. I think some of that stuff will come down to how it's directed/acted. I really liked the dry rice dialogue. I didn't love the end. There wasn't much closure. I understand that you want to say that there's not always a happy ending but it seems like there's not much of a character arc for anyone but the main character...but maybe that's the only true to life ending possible.
I liked your journal a lot because it helped me have a better understanding of your background and why you would make a film like this. Like others have said you've chosen to do a very ambitious film that could potentially be quite difficult to do especially if you are in fact going to shoot in Japan. I guess I agree with what others said about the cell phone but I assume you know better then any of us since you've actually been to Japan.
I realize I haven't said much so I'm gonna think on it some more and come up with some more points.
The fact that you grew up in Japan is something that is very present in my mind as I go over your script. In fact, it would not surprise me if this script is based on a true story or on a series of events that you lived. Because of this, I feel as if your character have a sense of reality to them, and are not based on cliche character such as those that you may have seen in Tokyo Drift. The love story, as any other love story, is predictable, however I do not believe that this is necessarily something negative. In fact, I think that the fact that you chose a love story may help you develop your theme to a greater extent. My problem, however, lies in that I cannot see exactly what your primary theme is. Rather than having just one focus, you seem to have a great deal of small ones, which in the end, takes from the story. I would suggest, trying to really get into your characters mind and really showing what his objective is. If you are trying to focus on the theme of cultural identity, I would suggest driving your entire story with this in mind. For instance, his love interest might be driven by the fact that by being with this girl makes him "legit" and helps himself with discovering his identity. By being with a Japanese girl it makes him more of a Japanese man. On the other hand, if this is simply a love story of a long lost love of two kids who were separated by migration, then I would suggest making the character more of the "I would fall in love" type, as I don't really get that from him now.
Lastly, I would suggest that you reconsider where he is staying. The fact that he is in the house of the father of this girl, simply because his uncle asked for a favor, is REALLY awkward for me. I would understand visiting but the fact that he is bumping heads with the father makes it weird that he is still staying at his house like a guest.
1. On your FJ, you said you weren't sure if Ryuu should be half Japanese. I think he should because it reinforces the idea that he is always the newbie.
2. I agree with Liz about making the script more situationally funny. As soon as I read that I thought of Lost in Translation in that the movie really isn't laugh out loud funny, but the feeling of being out of place brings so much humor to it. Does that make any sense?
3. As for the cell phone issue, my understanding is that the setting is more rural than urban (with the exception of the nightlife scene), so it didn't seem that odd to me that Natsumi didn't understand his phone obsession. Also, there is the fact that her father was so traditional. As far as I know the urban parts of Japan are technologically inclined, but are still very traditional in a lot of ways. I've heard Tokyo described as a mix of western and traditional Japanese culture.
4. I agree with everyone else that your FJ is great. Now I'm embarrassed by mine because I just copy and pasted the questions into Word (plus I realized I accidentally skipped a few questions). I'll have to step it up for the next cycle.
I really enjoyed your story. Because I did not post prior to the class discussion, some of my input will have had new thoughts on what I thought before hand. First of all, I agree, with most of our class discussion today in that your main character needs to struggle more with finding his self identity. Something that could help him realize this is being able to realize what he needs to do to accomplish his goal, whether its some type of religious realization or a journey he embarks on with the main girl character in your story. Just some thoughts. Also, as far as your production goes...I was wondering how your going to create the Japanese Night Life scene....I think your film could be really storng by using animation and it would be really authentic if you used subtitles and kept to the heart of the film, the 'Japanese' culture-esque feel.
I see that you made a lot of changes to your script, however, I am not sure how effective these changes really are. Although I know you are a better visual story teller, and these scenarios are probably played out perfectly in your mind, I feel like on paper, this whole story lacks depth now. One of my biggest concerns is the dialogue between Ryu and the girl. I think that conversation goes on for way too long, and in the end, does not seem to really fit into your script at all. They talk about meeting and liking each other, but then thats the end of it, and does not take the story anywhere. I think your new beginning has a lot of potential, especially because of the whole "say something in Japanese" thing which I know can get annoying. Whenever I go to Mexico and people find out I am a foreigner, I am constantly asked to say something in English and it is always super awkward. Again, I really think you have something going with this, but the changes later in the story didn't work too much for me. In the words of Adam, I did not really see your character go through a journey, and in the end I was not really feeling what your character felt. I think one of your problems, which I originally thought was going to benefit you, is that you are making this way too personal. Since we know each other a lot, I am able to pick up many of the references you give to your personal life. However, these references, although realistic in a sense, are not working to tell your story. I feel that now you are trying to retell experiences you have had in your life, and is conflicting with other aspects of your film. If you want to take this route and make a movie that is not driven by story, I think you have great potential for it, however, I don't think this is your intention and you should reconsider some of your elements.
As far as the look of your film, I think you should be a little careful. I don't know what Japan really looks like, but I think you should consider what your examples reflect. Amores Perros, is set in a very poor part of Mexico City (the most polluted city in the world), Requiem is not only about crazy people, but it is also set in a bad neighborhood. With this in mind, I would suggest to be careful with the message you are trying to convey with the look of your film. As I read your script and see you reference a beautiful blossom tree, I don't imagine a surreal unsaturated look with shots that cause me nausea. I think your film would benefit from a much cleaner look than your examples, and it is something that I know you can pull off. Although I know you and I are both big fans of Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, and we are both fond of his style, I think you should really look at what the themes of his movies are and how he uses his cinematography to accomplish this. By doing this, maybe you will reconsider a few things in your film making journal.
I have some issues with your new script. Similar to the issues with old script. A. I don't see the journey... B. I don't believe he is necessarily going to UNITE people by not perusing the girl... he basically just doesn't want to be like his father. Even though the circumstances are similar the people are the different... however, he doesn't believe he'll do the right thing through and through if he agreed to be with her. I mean if you are going to take someone away from their boyfriend and possibly their homeland, you better love the shit out of them. To me this seems like the struggle your character is ignoring... he's young and can't promise that acting on something such as love with be a success. C. My theory could be way off! I'm sorry if it is. lol, just ignore it. D. Dialogue needs some help. However, I agree with Jesus, the dialogue of asking him to speak Japanese is clever and sets up the character perfectly.
FMJ: I agree with aromatic look when it comes to production design. I agree that is isolation will be a strong component of your visuals. I do think Jesus has an interesting point on the films you are looking to for inspiration. You may want to look at Lost in Translation. Also, I found a pretty picture of a cherry tree scene in Japan in, Memoirs of a Geisha.
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3381955584/tt0397535
This is a bit brighter than what you'd like, but it still may be a good reference.
Okay I hate and feel like a dick when it comes to this feed back thing. However, I want everyone to be honest with their feedback for me so I will do the same in return. Sorry if there are spelling and grammatical errors. I’m typing the way I would talk in a stream of consciousness manner.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I feel like your characters and story is extremely stereotypical. This may equate to your movie coming off ignorant and downright offensive. This short is a drama and I’m guessing the film is supposed to have a serious undertone through most of the entire film. This is going to be very hard to do since your Story and Characters are extreme Asian stereotypes, which makes the film hard to take seriously. I was kind of laughing when reading the script and I would probably be laughing when watching in on the screen. Also because the characters and story are so stereotypical I was pretty much able to guess what was going to happen next throughout the script. (except for the end) If you made the story and characters less stereotypical you characters would be more interesting, your story would seem more real, which may allow the audience to connect to your film at a emotional level.
I’ve herd through the grape vine that you want to shoot this film in Japan. To be honest this is not going to happen unless you get like 100 grand. I mean if I got a 100 grand I would rather try to make a feature in America then spend it on a short film in Japan. To be honest, it’s hard enough to find crew, cast, locations, and permits, in Phoenix. It’s going to to be 1000 times harder to so in Japan.
Specific script notes.
I wasn’t really feeling the whole cell phone thing. I mean I could be wrong but don’t people in Japan have cell phones too? I mean do people in Japan not love their cell phones as much as we (Americans) do? (I honestly don’t know the answer to that but I’m kind of guessing they do.)
The nightlife scene is going to be very hard to film since it takes place IN JAPAN. (Umm Okay that’s weird.)
Explain how father finds out about Ryuu and Natsumi’s kiss.
The whole uncooked rice thing crossed the line for me. It so stereotypical and so crazy. It would probably make me laugh really really hard if I saw it on screen. To be honest I’m at the computer lab right now and when I read it I started laughing and people are now staring at me.
I liked your journal A LOT and before I read it I thought you should just go with a completely new scripts. But now I understand where you’re coming from and I feel guilty for considering the idea of changing scripts. I think if you made your script more original, a lot less corny, and stereotypical it would be a lot better.
I like your idea of making him half American and half Asian because your main character kind of talks a little … umm.. well kind of like you do.
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ReplyDeleteMost of what Barry wrote I was about to hit on. To add my perspective on the overall plot though – it seems eerily similar to The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. Especially the whole relationship dynamic between Ryuu and Natsumi feels superimposed from the film. Plus, what really did it for me was the word “Gaijin” being used in the script to describe the main character just like it is in F&F: TD.
ReplyDeleteNonetheless, the script is well written with fleshed out characters that I would like to see on screen. I just have 2 things to be changed:
1) Tweak the stereotypical nature of the characters. Perhaps one of them is from another country with different rules on relationships (but they were born in Japan).
2) The name “Aunt Mae” needs to be changed. Every time I saw it, Spider-man popped in my head.
*This is TURBO btw, I don't know how to make it say my name
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAndric, here are my thoughts on your script:
ReplyDelete1: I dont agree with Turbo at all, yes your script has the same outsider feel and love story as Tokyo Drift, but that could be said about any outsider story on some level, (I can name 10 films off the top of my head that have a similar feel because of a similar story) so don't let that discourage you. Your story is about family honor, self discovery and the feeling of moving so much that you don't really have a home (I know how you and Ryuu feel i went through the same thing and feel that your story describes it well) and not a story about street racing and trying to be cool in Japan.
2: I would like to argue against Barrys comments/agree with them, here is my thought, Stereotypes exist in the world, and yes they are generally good, but I also say to that, there is a reason why stereotypes exist, at some point before it was changed over time, the original stereotype might have and probably was true for the general public, not everyone but most hence why it came to existence. So my point is, if Barry is right and it is all just a bunch of untrue stereotypes then you need to change them asap, but if it is the truth (and seeing as how you lived in Japan you would know if it is or isnt) then you should keep them and be prepared to defend them to the unknowing person.
I thought overall that your script was good with the exception with the ending, the ending kind of threw me off, I wasnt exactly sure how to feel about it or what I thought that it meant. I would say put a bit more work in to the ending and that it should be a good script.
FMJ Comments:
I think that your journal is great, I especially like the choice of fonts and backgrounds. I was looking at your casting section and notice that you might experience the same issues as me. Doing a film that has foreign looking people and people who speak a different language can be tough when trying to cast, I myself am a bit worried about it, I hope it goes well for both of us.
I meant to say that stereotypes are generally not good.
ReplyDeleteHey Andric,
ReplyDeleteSo, I LOVE your journal. It gives such a strong grasp on why this film is important to you. Also, you fully understand the basic theme and concept of what you would like to convey, which is awesome. I love the idea of being a foreigner and not feeling as if you truly have a home. However, your insight on your own personal struggles and your writer's interpretation is a bit fuzzy. I could see how this script could work...with some tweaks as an anime. The dialogue is a bit obvious, similar to anime and the characters aren't fully developed. However, for an anime I would say this could totally work. However, I don't feel as though that is what you're going for. Your journal asked us questions about it being too dramatic and how you would like it to be funnier. I would suggest removing most of the forced dialogue aka. the cell phone, the rice... and changing those scenes up. Honestly, this script could simply be situationally funny. I mean he is in a country that he hasn't visited since he was young. Everything I've that I've read about Japan does lead to evidence of a culture with particular rules and traditions, which a foreigner may not know about. These may lead to more comedic elements.
I really hope you pull this off and shoot in Japan! However, do you have a backup plan if things fall through? I don't know how well this script would work being shot in Arizona... eek.
Andric,
ReplyDeleteI thought your script was really well written. I understand the emotional intensity that a story like this creates, and I think you have the vision to pull a project like this off.
No element of the script threw me for a loop, so in a way it must embrace my own stereotypical views of how Japanese cultures view America.
I felt an emotional stockpiling taking place as I headed towards the conclusion of this draft, and just as quickly realized that there would be no real emotional exchange or catharsis regarding the main plot or characters. This makes me empathize with the plight of the main character, "Ryuu" more in some way, yet I would still love to see a conclusion or resolution.
Your journal looks immaculate, you're setting the bar high for us "D" group. I'm probably going to use your journal as a template for my own, different color scheme of course.
-Neal
Andric!
ReplyDeleteI love you story, I could really feel what you were trying to go for. Visualizing what its going to be like really helped me out. I think that it is a great story I just think it would be very hard to film this type of sort in America, especially finding good actors to you specifications that can speak Japanese. What people said about stereotypes, since you have a very similar background to your character, I think you would know the culture and the life styles the best. If that is how their culture acts and behaves, than that is what you should depict. I think that it is good to display the most real aspect of their lives.
Some things that confused me was the ending, I would have to agree with Damir. I see what you were trying to go for, but it was very confusing to me. It might need to be a little more clarified on what is happening. I would have to agree with Barry on the cell phone part too, I don't really know if some people in Japan do not use cell phones very often, but in todays world I think almost everyone has one, but I could understand if they live in a very rural area outside the city that they wouldn't have one. But I see what you are going for if you are trying to show the dependance that Americans have on their electronics compared to the more natural and calm life style.
FMJ-
I loved your FMJ I thought it really helped bring the story into more perspective for me! It really captured the essence that you ware trying to show in your film. I especially liked the casting because I feel like the people you portrayed would be suited very well by the character types you chose like the age group and the personality types. The movies and main characters of other films also gave me some ideas for the mood and style you are trying to convey. For a suggestion to your comedic thoughts on the scenes, I do not really think that your story really has any comedy to it. I feel like it is purely drama. I feel like you do not have enough time to show an aspect of both, but the original tone I got was pure drama. I think you could possibly lose some of the feeling if you were to change it. Also, for your character question. I think if he were full Japanese going to America and coming back would show a greater difference in how much he has changed his life style, but I think a more half and half character would be more dynamic to the family and stand out more, but now you have to show why he is half (ie if the mother or father was not Japanese) compared to everyone else in the family, that would make him be less Japanese from the beginning and we would not see as much of a change.
P.S if anything does not make sense just let me know and I can try and re word it lol it is more of a stream of conscience thought and sometimes things don't make sense to others
I think you are off to a great start and I would love to see your film be made!
Extremely bold story for a capstone. From your FMJ it seems like you know a lot about the Japanese culture so I'll trust your judgment but I was thinking the same thing as Barry as far as the cell phone goes.
ReplyDeleteI loved the story as a whole but I think it would be better without the scene where she sneaks into his room and he gets into a fight. Doesn't add much to the story. I understand what people are saying about stereotypes but for the most part it didn't bother me. I think some of that stuff will come down to how it's directed/acted. I really liked the dry rice dialogue. I didn't love the end. There wasn't much closure. I understand that you want to say that there's not always a happy ending but it seems like there's not much of a character arc for anyone but the main character...but maybe that's the only true to life ending possible.
I liked your journal a lot because it helped me have a better understanding of your background and why you would make a film like this. Like others have said you've chosen to do a very ambitious film that could potentially be quite difficult to do especially if you are in fact going to shoot in Japan. I guess I agree with what others said about the cell phone but I assume you know better then any of us since you've actually been to Japan.
ReplyDeleteI realize I haven't said much so I'm gonna think on it some more and come up with some more points.
Andric,
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you grew up in Japan is something that is very present in my mind as I go over your script. In fact, it would not surprise me if this script is based on a true story or on a series of events that you lived. Because of this, I feel as if your character have a sense of reality to them, and are not based on cliche character such as those that you may have seen in Tokyo Drift. The love story, as any other love story, is predictable, however I do not believe that this is necessarily something negative. In fact, I think that the fact that you chose a love story may help you develop your theme to a greater extent. My problem, however, lies in that I cannot see exactly what your primary theme is. Rather than having just one focus, you seem to have a great deal of small ones, which in the end, takes from the story. I would suggest, trying to really get into your characters mind and really showing what his objective is. If you are trying to focus on the theme of cultural identity, I would suggest driving your entire story with this in mind. For instance, his love interest might be driven by the fact that by being with this girl makes him "legit" and helps himself with discovering his identity. By being with a Japanese girl it makes him more of a Japanese man. On the other hand, if this is simply a love story of a long lost love of two kids who were separated by migration, then I would suggest making the character more of the "I would fall in love" type, as I don't really get that from him now.
Lastly, I would suggest that you reconsider where he is staying. The fact that he is in the house of the father of this girl, simply because his uncle asked for a favor, is REALLY awkward for me. I would understand visiting but the fact that he is bumping heads with the father makes it weird that he is still staying at his house like a guest.
Best,
Jesus
1. On your FJ, you said you weren't sure if Ryuu should be half Japanese. I think he should because it reinforces the idea that he is always the newbie.
ReplyDelete2. I agree with Liz about making the script more situationally funny. As soon as I read that I thought of Lost in Translation in that the movie really isn't laugh out loud funny, but the feeling of being out of place brings so much humor to it. Does that make any sense?
3. As for the cell phone issue, my understanding is that the setting is more rural than urban (with the exception of the nightlife scene), so it didn't seem that odd to me that Natsumi didn't understand his phone obsession. Also, there is the fact that her father was so traditional. As far as I know the urban parts of Japan are technologically inclined, but are still very traditional in a lot of ways. I've heard Tokyo described as a mix of western and traditional Japanese culture.
4. I agree with everyone else that your FJ is great. Now I'm embarrassed by mine because I just copy and pasted the questions into Word (plus I realized I accidentally skipped a few questions). I'll have to step it up for the next cycle.
I really enjoyed your story. Because I did not post prior to the class discussion, some of my input will have had new thoughts on what I thought before hand. First of all, I agree, with most of our class discussion today in that your main character needs to struggle more with finding his self identity. Something that could help him realize this is being able to realize what he needs to do to accomplish his goal, whether its some type of religious realization or a journey he embarks on with the main girl character in your story. Just some thoughts. Also, as far as your production goes...I was wondering how your going to create the Japanese Night Life scene....I think your film could be really storng by using animation and it would be really authentic if you used subtitles and kept to the heart of the film, the 'Japanese' culture-esque feel.
ReplyDeleteI see that you made a lot of changes to your script, however, I am not sure how effective these changes really are. Although I know you are a better visual story teller, and these scenarios are probably played out perfectly in your mind, I feel like on paper, this whole story lacks depth now. One of my biggest concerns is the dialogue between Ryu and the girl. I think that conversation goes on for way too long, and in the end, does not seem to really fit into your script at all. They talk about meeting and liking each other, but then thats the end of it, and does not take the story anywhere. I think your new beginning has a lot of potential, especially because of the whole "say something in Japanese" thing which I know can get annoying. Whenever I go to Mexico and people find out I am a foreigner, I am constantly asked to say something in English and it is always super awkward. Again, I really think you have something going with this, but the changes later in the story didn't work too much for me. In the words of Adam, I did not really see your character go through a journey, and in the end I was not really feeling what your character felt. I think one of your problems, which I originally thought was going to benefit you, is that you are making this way too personal. Since we know each other a lot, I am able to pick up many of the references you give to your personal life. However, these references, although realistic in a sense, are not working to tell your story. I feel that now you are trying to retell experiences you have had in your life, and is conflicting with other aspects of your film. If you want to take this route and make a movie that is not driven by story, I think you have great potential for it, however, I don't think this is your intention and you should reconsider some of your elements.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the look of your film, I think you should be a little careful. I don't know what Japan really looks like, but I think you should consider what your examples reflect. Amores Perros, is set in a very poor part of Mexico City (the most polluted city in the world), Requiem is not only about crazy people, but it is also set in a bad neighborhood. With this in mind, I would suggest to be careful with the message you are trying to convey with the look of your film. As I read your script and see you reference a beautiful blossom tree, I don't imagine a surreal unsaturated look with shots that cause me nausea. I think your film would benefit from a much cleaner look than your examples, and it is something that I know you can pull off. Although I know you and I are both big fans of Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, and we are both fond of his style, I think you should really look at what the themes of his movies are and how he uses his cinematography to accomplish this. By doing this, maybe you will reconsider a few things in your film making journal.
Hey Andric,
ReplyDeleteI have some issues with your new script. Similar to the issues with old script.
A. I don't see the journey...
B. I don't believe he is necessarily going to UNITE people by not perusing the girl... he basically just doesn't want to be like his father. Even though the circumstances are similar the people are the different... however, he doesn't believe he'll do the right thing through and through if he agreed to be with her. I mean if you are going to take someone away from their boyfriend and possibly their homeland, you better love the shit out of them. To me this seems like the struggle your character is ignoring... he's young and can't promise that acting on something such as love with be a success.
C. My theory could be way off! I'm sorry if it is. lol, just ignore it.
D. Dialogue needs some help. However, I agree with Jesus, the dialogue of asking him to speak Japanese is clever and sets up the character perfectly.
FMJ: I agree with aromatic look when it comes to production design. I agree that is isolation will be a strong component of your visuals. I do think Jesus has an interesting point on the films you are looking to for inspiration. You may want to look at Lost in Translation. Also, I found a pretty picture of a cherry tree scene in Japan in, Memoirs of a Geisha.
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3381955584/tt0397535
This is a bit brighter than what you'd like, but it still may be a good reference.