I think your script is well written but like I’ve talked about with you before I wish there was a better resolution in the end confirming that Howard realizes the error of his ways. Overall I think you did a good job writing it, I was able to more or less visualize everything.
I guess I'm just not big on all the goofy Jewish stereotypes. I know we talked about this before too and you told me how your mom really does have the "Jewish mom" voice but still I guess a a lot of it rings false to my experiences.
I'm not religious in the least bit but I still feel like your pushing Jewish stereotypes in a really negative way and when stupid people view the film they will take those stereotypes away to be true. Hopefully you can prove me wrong.
Again I think it is a well written script and I'm sure you'll end up making a good film.
I enjoyed the overall story and would like to see this on screen. Especially enticing is seeing Christmas from another POV. Oh and I liked how you wrapped up the story with the watch.
Here is what I have problems with:
1) How does Michelle know he's a Jew? I don't like people assuming things like that from outward appearance or names. Have him wear a Star of David maybe?
2) What's gelt? Please explain.
3) These two passages of dialog are too wordy for a ten-year-old. I'd suggest either using less words or using more common ones:
"Not to be rude, but you're clearly ignorant to the qualifications and procedures Santa implements for giving away present."
"What grinds my gears is when they leave us in the dark as to what we're entitled to. We are entitled to the presents Santa Claus gives every other American child. Denying us presents; denying us an American childhood experience; this is unacceptable. Let's take a stand for what is right. Will you stand with me?!"
Barry, Although it is evident that there are many punch lines in your script, overall it had a very dramatic feel to it. This was something I liked, and am very interested in see what you create with it. However, with this in mind, I had a few questions when it came to the main character. First of all, as it has been pointed out by Turbo, the dialogue for the 10 year old child seems far too advanced for him to say. I believe this could be an artistic choice made by you, however I think it will weaken the character if the lines are not delivered in a believable way. In addition to this, we see this character make his way to the mall without any supervision. I understand that kids today do ridiculous tings, but I was in disbelief when I read that this 5th grader finds his way to a shopping mall on his own. Furthermore, this wonder child even finds a way to be unsupervised long enough to go inside a church and talk to the pastor. The whole time I was reading your script I tried to envision the use of exaggeration as a tool to tell your story, however I felt that in this case, because you are taking a serious approach to this movie, these exaggerations may result as flaws of internal logic.
Another suggestion I have is to reconsider the scene inside the Christian church. My biggest issue with this scene is the fact that your main character is pep-talked into a baptism within a few minutes. It is hard to believe that a religious leader in a Christian church would just baptize a child on the spot. Rather, it is something that takes preparation and classes. Because of this, I suggest that maybe he is invited to bible school, or signs up for a Christian retreat which he needs his parents approval for.
Overall I think your script is very interesting and the subject you chose is one that can be very interesting to develop. I like how you develop your character with short visual scenes, for instance, the one in the tree house in which he creates a Charlie Brown Christmas tree but with a Star of David on top. This showed me, quickly, the type of character you are developing.
Lastly, if you decide to keep Howard as a super 10 year old (i.e. can go anywhere on his own, etc.) please reconsider his firm belief in Santa. To me, it did not make sense that while this child seemed to be very mature and smart, he was still stuck on the fact that Santa had magic powers.
Overall very good work B. Rube. I can see where Ryan's coming from so I would be careful w/ overdoing the stereotypes. But with that said, this is something you could poke fun at (being that you are in fact a Jew lol) but nothing I would dare imitate. So it could come off offensive since the an ordinary audience member wouldn't know your background. But you know I'm all about offensive material so just keep it real!
I again agree w/ Ryan that there has to be a better resolution. I do, however like that Howard changes his reasoning for celebrating Christmas. And although it is 24 pages, it seems to end very quickly in the last few pages. Also, the church scene is a bit off, as far as pacing with the overall story. But yes, a religious leader in a Christian church will baptize you on the spot (JESUS QUINONEZ) if they feel you truly desire to turn away from your sins and live for God. Baptizing and being saved with the "Holy Ghost" are two different processes in Christianity, but both necessary.
Moving along...I love how intelligent and adult-like Howard's character is. However, I feel some of his dialogue might be a bit too wordy (I honestly can't see a 10 year old being able to memorize those lines, but I could be wrong).
Overall I love the tone and pacing of the story. This is a very Barry-esc film lol. It was a very visual script (which I need to get mine to be). I'm excited for the results. Keep up the good work sir :)
**side note: great inspiration for the script!! haha
I want to start off by saying that this is a very funny script, and that I enjoyed it because it yielded visions of what the film would look like very easily. (Usually when a script does that for me, it ends up making a good film). The script is very well written with the exception of a few minor typos, but no biggie. I also enjoyed Howard's character a ton, and hope that you can find a good actor for the part since that could make the whole film that much better.
My complaints are much like Ryan's, I loved the buildup of the story and was excited to keep reading, I thought to my self some crazy stuff is about to go down in the morning, and then.....nothing, the ending was a bit disappointing to me. With the way the story started and the amount of build up, i expected a more complex ending. The ending is possible, little kids can forgive and forget quickly, as well as can parents, but it just seemed too easy for me.
The length at first seemed long to me, I thought wow 24 pages, Yikes, but as I read it I realized that it flowed very smoothly and that is really isn't a problem at all, the story flows really well.
FILM MAKR JOURNAL NOTES: I think that your journal looks great, and it gives me a good starting point for mine, I also really enjoyed your inspiration for the script and your dream casting.
Such a cute script! Fun from beginning to end.. I must say my favorite scene in the script is between Howard and the Santa, absolutely hilarious. I agree it does seem advanced for a ten year old, but the kid in the Christmas Story was also advanced for his age. I agree with all the comments on the ending. It does seem a bit abrupt. However, it is more of a visual ending... so maybe it will all come together nicely when you actually edit the footage together. I do feel like you can shorten the script.
Also, I am not sure if the converting scene is working for me. It seems a bit off and so does the father's reactions. I think the casting of the father will be one of your biggest challenges.
Overall, your journal is fantastic. I love how you scripted the event of coming up with such an idea for a script. :-) You should really be thanking your mom at the end of all this for sparking such a fun quirky script with plenty of potential to be fantastic!
Side Note in your ideal casting. Ben Kingsley is defiantly a celebrity actor. (Oh that's weird)
I enjoyed reading your script because of how well it flows. Also, the way that the main character only gets bits and pieces of the information he needs kept me interested. I felt that for as much time and effort as the character development received, the resolution should have been just as detailed.
I understand the symbolism of his father leaving his watch to pacify his son on Christmas day, but this one gesture doesn't seem to make up for the outburst by "Mark" the previous night.
Some of the dialogue was wordy for a young Jewish boy, but I enjoyed reading it, supposing that a boy with such an inquisitive nature would also be able to grasp mature concepts so effortlessly.
I assumed, while reading, that the "Baptism" scene would be somewhat in jest, but as I read on I realized that they were going through the entire ceremony. This may be a bit in bad taste for a few reasons. The first is that the motivating nature of this young man's quest is not to find the true meaning of Christmas, but rather to get the loot that comes with the holiday. If you're taking the protagonist through a growing experience, I would say having him ACCEPT the alternate religion as his own would be as shortsighted as denouncing his current religion without as second thought.
It would seem to be in better taste if the ceremonial baptism was in jest, or lighthearted, as if the priest is trying to appease the boy's sense of curiosity and intrigue. Even if this is not what you were intending to convey with this scene, it is the only scene, besides the final one, that discards me from the emotional tornado that is this short film.
I really enjoyed quite a bit of your dialogue and jokes. The entire scene in the school comes across very clearly, and is funny. The "home life" with the remainder of "Howard's" family is stereotypical but quite amusing. I also enjoyed the pace at which the plot develops.
Your journal, like A Q-B's is immaculate. It was interesting to look through the beginning of your work and see where your head's at. It will be more interesting to see where it is when you finish this project next year. -Neal
Barry, Great script. I think it is funny and creative and flows very well. I do have a few problems with some parts of the story though. I would have to agree with what Jesus said about the 10 year old being believable. I just do not see a 10 year old going to the mall by himself. But, I do think that you could pull it off by the way that you made him very independent, but somethings might need to be changed to make it more believable, maybe make it a small town or something because people are more accepting to community in those types of small towns.
The baptism to me pulled me out of the story because being a Catholic, baptism really does not happen on the spot like that and especially to a 10 year old boy with no parents present. That would just go against everything, maybe if he went to a sunday school class or something that was more leading to converting, it would be more believable. I see what you are trying to go for, but that is just jumping way too far. Also, I would be careful for the lengthy conversations like with Ethan, you want to be careful of info dumping because you can lose your audience attention if you go into a lot of information.
I would have to agree with most people on the fact that the 10 year old do not really speak that way, like when his conversations with his dad just sounds a little to big for his age. But if you make the kid closely related to a Macaulay Culkin type of character you might be ok.
The ending to me was kind of abrupt and not believable. A dad would not kick his 10 year old kid out. But that seems like you are working on it.
FMJ Good job on the FMJ. It kind of helped me out to see you character types, especially for Howard. I think that your FMJ is really going to help your script out.
Keep up the good work! I really am excited to see yours!
Barry, Really fun and cute script. You have a really great grasp of character and do a great job of capturing the innocence. Some of the problems I see with the story are listed bellow:
Page 13: Noah: "Sweet sound of a grieving goy" Seems a little brutal. I understand the humor in it but that line puts Jews in a negative light.
Page 16: You have an opportunity for a really innocent and funny moment when he finds out the beard is real. It would be funny if that makes him believe in Santa. I think you can write that into the story while staying true to what you have right now.
Page 24: Dad: "You are the type of Jew I hate" I think it works without saying he "hates" him. Sounds brutal for a father to say and not sure it's believable. Hate is something the kid says, not the father.
Page 25: I think the ending would be more powerful if the father put the watch under the Charlie Brown tree, not destroyed and then he put the yarmulke back on when he hugs his father. The character arc for the father would end in him accepting that his son can believe whatever he wants to and he will still love him. The character arc for Howard would be that he learns about Christianity so he no longer lives a biased life yet still decides to stay Jewish for his father because he loves him.
As a lot of other said, Howard's dialogue is a little too advanced. I can appreciate that Howard is a precocious 10-year-old and that's part of his character, but even the most mature 10-year-olds don't really talk the way he does. Also, Michelle and Jacob say a few things outside of a child's vocabulary. It's fine if Howard's dialogue is a little more advanced, but when several kids talk like that, it masks this characteristic that is part of what makes him an interesting character. It also makes the story less believable.
Brooks makes a good point about the baptism, which I see you also addressed in your FJ. I wasn't baptized until I was about six, so I remember that it was a big deal, especially the godparents. Perhaps Ethan can give Howard some pamphlets on conversion or something like that. Then Howard can say I'm going to become a Christian. IDK, just an idea.
Lastly, you mentioned in you FJ that you don't know if Jazz is necessary. IMO, he is not. Yeah, it's a funny image and I would love to see a dog in a yarmulke and a diaper, but he's just in that small scene. He almost becomes a joke with no punch line.
Overall, I think you have a funny and touching script. Howard is a very fascinating character and I have this great image of him in my mind's eye. I also really like the fact that this is about Jews who are trying very hard to hold on to their faith. I feel like that's something that hasn't been done before. Great FJ too.
Loved the story. I can really relate to your story of course, being a Jew myself. I always was so jealous of the Christian kids, trees, lights, presents. I too went through a rebellious period in my life, religious-wise but then realized that being Jewish (as you have in your stroy) is more about tradition and family and being able to realize that. I think you addressed that greatly. Maybe an alternate ending to your story could be having the little boy see his Yarmulke next to his watch, not choosing the Yarmulke but putting on his watch and we then see him in his fathers vision. We can see that his father maybe disappointed at first when he notices that the little boy still hasn't come to terms with his religion but understands then appreciates that he realizes tradition and family by seeing the watch.
I really like the changes you made to the script. I feel that you are really taking everyones considerations in order to make your movie better. As far as the ending, I feel it works much better this way. With this version, you really emphasize the compromise between the father and the son and in the end both of them seem to learn a lesson. When I saw your reference to Home Alone I thought your story had a great deal of similarities to it. In Home Alone 2, Kevin just wants to celebrate Christmas and refuses to go to Florida where there is no snow or Christmas tree. Although this is a different type of story than yours, in the end he learns about the importance of family, which is similar to what your character has to learn in the end. More importantly, I like your choice of using this movie as a reference for the look of your movie. Even today, I really like the 1990's look that Home Alone has to offer, and I think your vision of making this film look like 16mm would really give your movie that look. After looking at the rest of your examples, for instance the scene at the school, I felt that it was very similar to what I imagined while I was reading it. Lastly, I think the additions made to your script really help your character development and make things a lot more meaningful. The watch, for example, becomes more important in this version and with this, really emphasizes the importance of it in the end.
Awe... Barry, I like your ending. It is a bit sappy, but it works :-) So happy you took our notes from class and reworked the ending. Also, I feel like the ending doesn't push any religion at the end. FMJ notes: This was the strongest fmj yet, I am so happy that you listed so many details. This helps visual your vision. Honestly, you picked classic films and learned from their style. All these films, Home Alone or a Christmas Story, they've all had some success. So why ruin what is already working? Overall, I think the color schemes will be the most important, Blue and Silver/gray remind everyone of the Jews and Red and Green will always remind people of the crazy Christians. So keeping these schemes predominate will be highly important.
I think your script is well written but like I’ve talked about with you before I wish there was a better resolution in the end confirming that Howard realizes the error of his ways. Overall I think you did a good job writing it, I was able to more or less visualize everything.
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm just not big on all the goofy Jewish stereotypes. I know we talked about this before too and you told me how your mom really does have the "Jewish mom" voice but still I guess a a lot of it rings false to my experiences.
I'm not religious in the least bit but I still feel like your pushing Jewish stereotypes in a really negative way and when stupid people view the film they will take those stereotypes away to be true. Hopefully you can prove me wrong.
Again I think it is a well written script and I'm sure you'll end up making a good film.
I enjoyed the overall story and would like to see this on screen. Especially enticing is seeing Christmas from another POV. Oh and I liked how you wrapped up the story with the watch.
ReplyDeleteHere is what I have problems with:
1) How does Michelle know he's a Jew? I don't like people assuming things like that from outward appearance or names. Have him wear a Star of David maybe?
2) What's gelt? Please explain.
3) These two passages of dialog are too wordy for a ten-year-old. I'd suggest either using less words or using more common ones:
"Not to be rude, but you're clearly
ignorant to the qualifications and
procedures Santa implements for
giving away present."
"What grinds my gears is when they
leave us in the dark as to what
we're entitled to. We are entitled
to the presents Santa Claus gives
every other American child. Denying
us presents; denying us an American
childhood experience; this is
unacceptable. Let's take a stand
for what is right. Will you stand
with me?!"
*Post by TURBO
Barry,
ReplyDeleteAlthough it is evident that there are many punch lines in your script, overall it had a very dramatic feel to it. This was something I liked, and am very interested in see what you create with it. However, with this in mind, I had a few questions when it came to the main character. First of all, as it has been pointed out by Turbo, the dialogue for the 10 year old child seems far too advanced for him to say. I believe this could be an artistic choice made by you, however I think it will weaken the character if the lines are not delivered in a believable way. In addition to this, we see this character make his way to the mall without any supervision. I understand that kids today do ridiculous tings, but I was in disbelief when I read that this 5th grader finds his way to a shopping mall on his own. Furthermore, this wonder child even finds a way to be unsupervised long enough to go inside a church and talk to the pastor. The whole time I was reading your script I tried to envision the use of exaggeration as a tool to tell your story, however I felt that in this case, because you are taking a serious approach to this movie, these exaggerations may result as flaws of internal logic.
Another suggestion I have is to reconsider the scene inside the Christian church. My biggest issue with this scene is the fact that your main character is pep-talked into a baptism within a few minutes. It is hard to believe that a religious leader in a Christian church would just baptize a child on the spot. Rather, it is something that takes preparation and classes. Because of this, I suggest that maybe he is invited to bible school, or signs up for a Christian retreat which he needs his parents approval for.
Overall I think your script is very interesting and the subject you chose is one that can be very interesting to develop. I like how you develop your character with short visual scenes, for instance, the one in the tree house in which he creates a Charlie Brown Christmas tree but with a Star of David on top. This showed me, quickly, the type of character you are developing.
Lastly, if you decide to keep Howard as a super 10 year old (i.e. can go anywhere on his own, etc.) please reconsider his firm belief in Santa. To me, it did not make sense that while this child seemed to be very mature and smart, he was still stuck on the fact that Santa had magic powers.
Good Luck and good job!
JESUS ALONSO QUINONEZ
Overall very good work B. Rube. I can see where Ryan's coming from so I would be careful w/ overdoing the stereotypes. But with that said, this is something you could poke fun at (being that you are in fact a Jew lol) but nothing I would dare imitate. So it could come off offensive since the an ordinary audience member wouldn't know your background. But you know I'm all about offensive material so just keep it real!
ReplyDeleteI again agree w/ Ryan that there has to be a better resolution. I do, however like that Howard changes his reasoning for celebrating Christmas. And although it is 24 pages, it seems to end very quickly in the last few pages. Also, the church scene is a bit off, as far as pacing with the overall story. But yes, a religious leader in a Christian church will baptize you on the spot (JESUS QUINONEZ) if they feel you truly desire to turn away from your sins and live for God. Baptizing and being saved with the "Holy Ghost" are two different processes in Christianity, but both necessary.
Moving along...I love how intelligent and adult-like Howard's character is. However, I feel some of his dialogue might be a bit too wordy (I honestly can't see a 10 year old being able to memorize those lines, but I could be wrong).
Overall I love the tone and pacing of the story. This is a very Barry-esc film lol. It was a very visual script (which I need to get mine to be). I'm excited for the results. Keep up the good work sir :)
**side note: great inspiration for the script!! haha
I want to start off by saying that this is a very funny script, and that I enjoyed it because it yielded visions of what the film would look like very easily. (Usually when a script does that for me, it ends up making a good film). The script is very well written with the exception of a few minor typos, but no biggie. I also enjoyed Howard's character a ton, and hope that you can find a good actor for the part since that could make the whole film that much better.
ReplyDeleteMy complaints are much like Ryan's, I loved the buildup of the story and was excited to keep reading, I thought to my self some crazy stuff is about to go down in the morning, and then.....nothing, the ending was a bit disappointing to me. With the way the story started and the amount of build up, i expected a more complex ending. The ending is possible, little kids can forgive and forget quickly, as well as can parents, but it just seemed too easy for me.
The length at first seemed long to me, I thought wow 24 pages, Yikes, but as I read it I realized that it flowed very smoothly and that is really isn't a problem at all, the story flows really well.
FILM MAKR JOURNAL NOTES:
I think that your journal looks great, and it gives me a good starting point for mine, I also really enjoyed your inspiration for the script and your dream casting.
Such a cute script! Fun from beginning to end.. I must say my favorite scene in the script is between Howard and the Santa, absolutely hilarious. I agree it does seem advanced for a ten year old, but the kid in the Christmas Story was also advanced for his age. I agree with all the comments on the ending. It does seem a bit abrupt. However, it is more of a visual ending... so maybe it will all come together nicely when you actually edit the footage together. I do feel like you can shorten the script.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I am not sure if the converting scene is working for me. It seems a bit off and so does the father's reactions. I think the casting of the father will be one of your biggest challenges.
Overall, your journal is fantastic. I love how you scripted the event of coming up with such an idea for a script. :-) You should really be thanking your mom at the end of all this for sparking such a fun quirky script with plenty of potential to be fantastic!
Side Note in your ideal casting. Ben Kingsley is defiantly a celebrity actor. (Oh that's weird)
Barry,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your script because of how well it flows. Also, the way that the main character only gets bits and pieces of the information he needs kept me interested. I felt that for as much time and effort as the character development received, the resolution should have been just as detailed.
I understand the symbolism of his father leaving his watch to pacify his son on Christmas day, but this one gesture doesn't seem to make up for the outburst by "Mark" the previous night.
Some of the dialogue was wordy for a young Jewish boy, but I enjoyed reading it, supposing that a boy with such an inquisitive nature would also be able to grasp mature concepts so effortlessly.
I assumed, while reading, that the "Baptism" scene would be somewhat in jest, but as I read on I realized that they were going through the entire ceremony. This may be a bit in bad taste for a few reasons. The first is that the motivating nature of this young man's quest is not to find the true meaning of Christmas, but rather to get the loot that comes with the holiday. If you're taking the protagonist through a growing experience, I would say having him ACCEPT the alternate religion as his own would be as shortsighted as denouncing his current religion without as second thought.
It would seem to be in better taste if the ceremonial baptism was in jest, or lighthearted, as if the priest is trying to appease the boy's sense of curiosity and intrigue. Even if this is not what you were intending to convey with this scene, it is the only scene, besides the final one, that discards me from the emotional tornado that is this short film.
I really enjoyed quite a bit of your dialogue and jokes. The entire scene in the school comes across very clearly, and is funny. The "home life" with the remainder of "Howard's" family is stereotypical but quite amusing. I also enjoyed the pace at which the plot develops.
Your journal, like A Q-B's is immaculate. It was interesting to look through the beginning of your work and see where your head's at. It will be more interesting to see where it is when you finish this project next year.
-Neal
Barry,
ReplyDeleteGreat script. I think it is funny and creative and flows very well. I do have a few problems with some parts of the story though. I would have to agree with what Jesus said about the 10 year old being believable. I just do not see a 10 year old going to the mall by himself. But, I do think that you could pull it off by the way that you made him very independent, but somethings might need to be changed to make it more believable, maybe make it a small town or something because people are more accepting to community in those types of small towns.
The baptism to me pulled me out of the story because being a Catholic, baptism really does not happen on the spot like that and especially to a 10 year old boy with no parents present. That would just go against everything, maybe if he went to a sunday school class or something that was more leading to converting, it would be more believable. I see what you are trying to go for, but that is just jumping way too far. Also, I would be careful for the lengthy conversations like with Ethan, you want to be careful of info dumping because you can lose your audience attention if you go into a lot of information.
I would have to agree with most people on the fact that the 10 year old do not really speak that way, like when his conversations with his dad just sounds a little to big for his age. But if you make the kid closely related to a Macaulay Culkin type of character you might be ok.
The ending to me was kind of abrupt and not believable. A dad would not kick his 10 year old kid out. But that seems like you are working on it.
FMJ
Good job on the FMJ. It kind of helped me out to see you character types, especially for Howard. I think that your FMJ is really going to help your script out.
Keep up the good work! I really am excited to see yours!
Barry,
ReplyDeleteReally fun and cute script. You have a really great grasp of character and do a great job of capturing the innocence. Some of the problems I see with the story are listed bellow:
Page 13:
Noah: "Sweet sound of a grieving goy"
Seems a little brutal. I understand the humor in it but that line puts Jews in a negative light.
Page 16:
You have an opportunity for a really innocent and funny moment when he finds out the beard is real. It would be funny if that makes him believe in Santa. I think you can write that into the story while staying true to what you have right now.
Page 24:
Dad: "You are the type of Jew I hate"
I think it works without saying he "hates" him. Sounds brutal for a father to say and not sure it's believable. Hate is something the kid says, not the father.
Page 25:
I think the ending would be more powerful if the father put the watch under the Charlie Brown tree, not destroyed and then he put the yarmulke back on when he hugs his father. The character arc for the father would end in him accepting that his son can believe whatever he wants to and he will still love him. The character arc for Howard would be that he learns about Christianity so he no longer lives a biased life yet still decides to stay Jewish for his father because he loves him.
As a lot of other said, Howard's dialogue is a little too advanced. I can appreciate that Howard is a precocious 10-year-old and that's part of his character, but even the most mature 10-year-olds don't really talk the way he does. Also, Michelle and Jacob say a few things outside of a child's vocabulary. It's fine if Howard's dialogue is a little more advanced, but when several kids talk like that, it masks this characteristic that is part of what makes him an interesting character. It also makes the story less believable.
ReplyDeleteBrooks makes a good point about the baptism, which I see you also addressed in your FJ. I wasn't baptized until I was about six, so I remember that it was a big deal, especially the godparents. Perhaps Ethan can give Howard some pamphlets on conversion or something like that. Then Howard can say I'm going to become a Christian. IDK, just an idea.
Lastly, you mentioned in you FJ that you don't know if Jazz is necessary. IMO, he is not. Yeah, it's a funny image and I would love to see a dog in a yarmulke and a diaper, but he's just in that small scene. He almost becomes a joke with no punch line.
Overall, I think you have a funny and touching script. Howard is a very fascinating character and I have this great image of him in my mind's eye. I also really like the fact that this is about Jews who are trying very hard to hold on to their faith. I feel like that's something that hasn't been done before. Great FJ too.
Loved the story. I can really relate to your story of course, being a Jew myself. I always was so jealous of the Christian kids, trees, lights, presents. I too went through a rebellious period in my life, religious-wise but then realized that being Jewish (as you have in your stroy) is more about tradition and family and being able to realize that. I think you addressed that greatly. Maybe an alternate ending to your story could be having the little boy see his Yarmulke next to his watch, not choosing the Yarmulke but putting on his watch and we then see him in his fathers vision. We can see that his father maybe disappointed at first when he notices that the little boy still hasn't come to terms with his religion but understands then appreciates that he realizes tradition and family by seeing the watch.
ReplyDeleteBarry,
ReplyDeleteI really like the changes you made to the script. I feel that you are really taking everyones considerations in order to make your movie better. As far as the ending, I feel it works much better this way. With this version, you really emphasize the compromise between the father and the son and in the end both of them seem to learn a lesson. When I saw your reference to Home Alone I thought your story had a great deal of similarities to it. In Home Alone 2, Kevin just wants to celebrate Christmas and refuses to go to Florida where there is no snow or Christmas tree. Although this is a different type of story than yours, in the end he learns about the importance of family, which is similar to what your character has to learn in the end. More importantly, I like your choice of using this movie as a reference for the look of your movie. Even today, I really like the 1990's look that Home Alone has to offer, and I think your vision of making this film look like 16mm would really give your movie that look. After looking at the rest of your examples, for instance the scene at the school, I felt that it was very similar to what I imagined while I was reading it. Lastly, I think the additions made to your script really help your character development and make things a lot more meaningful. The watch, for example, becomes more important in this version and with this, really emphasizes the importance of it in the end.
Awe... Barry, I like your ending. It is a bit sappy, but it works :-) So happy you took our notes from class and reworked the ending. Also, I feel like the ending doesn't push any religion at the end.
ReplyDeleteFMJ notes: This was the strongest fmj yet, I am so happy that you listed so many details. This helps visual your vision. Honestly, you picked classic films and learned from their style. All these films, Home Alone or a Christmas Story, they've all had some success. So why ruin what is already working? Overall, I think the color schemes will be the most important, Blue and Silver/gray remind everyone of the Jews and Red and Green will always remind people of the crazy Christians. So keeping these schemes predominate will be highly important.