I really enjoyed your script but like I mentioned before my biggest concern is how your going to be able to pull this off. If done right this could be really great but a few spots in the script seem almost impossible to pull off unless your planning on using CGI/green screen.
The script kept my interest the entire time I was reading and that's good for a 20 page script. The first half reminded me a bit of Where the Wild Things Are but I really like the direction it goes once he goes home and ages.
Overall I think this could be a imaginative and original take on a classic story and I'm excited to see what you can do with it.
As lame as this sounds, one of my favorite movies of all time is Hook. As a result, I am very biased when it comes to your script. To me, some of the things that you touched didn't seem to match the story that Hook told. The fact that they think they are pretending to fight and the way Hook loses his hand don't quite follow the original story. This in turn, took me out of your script. However, I do admire you're own spin on a classic. I like your explanation of how Hook came to be, as I never really paid attention before. Although it was a bit long, I was interested as to what would happen next. I think you have a lot of work to do in your dialogue since it is kind of weak at times, but as a first draft I think you are heading in a great direction.
Jesus, I could be wrong but I think my script is accurate based on what you mentioned. I've watched every version of Peter Pan (The play, Animated, Live Action, and Hook) and they all say that Peter cut off his hand and fed it to the crocodile. In the animated movie they show that the Indians and Lost Boys have an agreement to let each other go after they've been captured but the pirates don't. I wanted to play into that by showing that it used to be that way between the pirates as well until Pan changed the rules and turned him into the Villain he turned out to be.
Let me know where it conflicts with something that was already made.
Man I really like this idea, I felt like I was a little kid again and just kept reading wanting more, so that is good, definitely a great idea and a good first draft, but like Jesus said the dialogue gets a bit weak in some areas and could use a bit of work.
My second thought is that the script is a bit long and could use some trimming but im sure with script rewrites and editing in general you will be able to shorten it a bit.
I also agree with ryan some of the shots will be tricky and i wonder what you will do, if you will use cgi/green screen?
David, I love Hook first of all and I did not know what you were going for from the start, but in the end I totally understood it. I like it very much I think it is very imaginative and creative. I do also think that you have a few minor dialogue issues. I though the dialogue with Smee was a little bit cheesy. I would love to see you make this short.
I also agree on the fact that it might be a little bit tricky with visual effects, but it is not impossible. I really would love to see your set design.
The title is very catchy, but after reading the first couple of pages I felt like it was a bit too close to the actual story of “Peter Pan”. The story is good but it’s one that your audience has seen too many times before. I really enjoyed your previous script and wish you could use that instead.
I'm liking this script. However, I am worried about execution. I think this is possible... but it will cost a lot. Also, I love your ending. It all makes so much sense the minute he cuts off the hand. I love how you left that until the very last moment. I'm not sure if I'm loving the dialogue in that scene. Actually I have some dialogue issues throughout the script. :-( However, let's talk about the last scene for an example, I think just flat out saying I'm going for revenge on Pan and to just move aside isn't your best writing. The dialogue is too explanatory. One question... Still don't want to do your other script? I know it is all a tough decision to make right now... I'm dealing with it to. I think both could work.
Cool idea for a book and short film. Right off the bat I'm thinking of how tough this film will be to shoot because of the special effects and budget needed, child actors are the next concern that comes to mind. I'm sure you've already considered these obstacles, but they're clearly speed bumps and not road blocks. Very cool origination story, it's a great tie in to how hook became.
I think this is quite a departure considering your previous capstone script, but it is creative and intelligent and will be very entertaining.
Hey David,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your script but like I mentioned before my biggest concern is how your going to be able to pull this off. If done right this could be really great but a few spots in the script seem almost impossible to pull off unless your planning on using CGI/green screen.
The script kept my interest the entire time I was reading and that's good for a 20 page script. The first half reminded me a bit of Where the Wild Things Are but I really like the direction it goes once he goes home and ages.
Overall I think this could be a imaginative and original take on a classic story and I'm excited to see what you can do with it.
David,
ReplyDeleteAs lame as this sounds, one of my favorite movies of all time is Hook. As a result, I am very biased when it comes to your script. To me, some of the things that you touched didn't seem to match the story that Hook told. The fact that they think they are pretending to fight and the way Hook loses his hand don't quite follow the original story. This in turn, took me out of your script. However, I do admire you're own spin on a classic. I like your explanation of how Hook came to be, as I never really paid attention before. Although it was a bit long, I was interested as to what would happen next. I think you have a lot of work to do in your dialogue since it is kind of weak at times, but as a first draft I think you are heading in a great direction.
Jesus,
ReplyDeleteI could be wrong but I think my script is accurate based on what you mentioned. I've watched every version of Peter Pan (The play, Animated, Live Action, and Hook) and they all say that Peter cut off his hand and fed it to the crocodile. In the animated movie they show that the Indians and Lost Boys have an agreement to let each other go after they've been captured but the pirates don't. I wanted to play into that by showing that it used to be that way between the pirates as well until Pan changed the rules and turned him into the Villain he turned out to be.
Let me know where it conflicts with something that was already made.
Man I really like this idea, I felt like I was a little kid again and just kept reading wanting more, so that is good, definitely a great idea and a good first draft, but like Jesus said the dialogue gets a bit weak in some areas and could use a bit of work.
ReplyDeleteMy second thought is that the script is a bit long and could use some trimming but im sure with script rewrites and editing in general you will be able to shorten it a bit.
I also agree with ryan some of the shots will be tricky and i wonder what you will do, if you will use cgi/green screen?
David,
ReplyDeleteI love Hook first of all and I did not know what you were going for from the start, but in the end I totally understood it. I like it very much I think it is very imaginative and creative. I do also think that you have a few minor dialogue issues. I though the dialogue with Smee was a little bit cheesy. I would love to see you make this short.
I also agree on the fact that it might be a little bit tricky with visual effects, but it is not impossible. I really would love to see your set design.
The title is very catchy, but after reading the first couple of pages I felt like it was a bit too close to the actual story of “Peter Pan”. The story is good but it’s one that your audience has seen too many times before. I really enjoyed your previous script and wish you could use that instead.
ReplyDeleteHey David,
ReplyDeleteI'm liking this script. However, I am worried about execution. I think this is possible... but it will cost a lot. Also, I love your ending. It all makes so much sense the minute he cuts off the hand. I love how you left that until the very last moment. I'm not sure if I'm loving the dialogue in that scene. Actually I have some dialogue issues throughout the script. :-( However, let's talk about the last scene for an example, I think just flat out saying I'm going for revenge on Pan and to just move aside isn't your best writing. The dialogue is too explanatory. One question... Still don't want to do your other script? I know it is all a tough decision to make right now... I'm dealing with it to. I think both could work.
David,
ReplyDeleteCool idea for a book and short film.
Right off the bat I'm thinking of how tough this film will be to shoot because of the special effects and budget needed, child actors are the next concern that comes to mind. I'm sure you've already considered these obstacles, but they're clearly speed bumps and not road blocks. Very cool origination story, it's a great tie in to how hook became.
I think this is quite a departure considering your previous capstone script, but it is creative and intelligent and will be very entertaining.
-Neal